Understanding a relationship and key ingredients that make it work

Relationship is defined as the way people interact or behave with each other. People get connected and then form bonds. Relationship is also the way people communicate with each other. To understand how important communication is, consider the example of a school making announcements for parents. A relationship is also defined as how one person feels about the other. A relationship can be built on a formal acquittance or a totally informal one that happens between college classmates. There is one more interesting fact, most of our time is spend in family relations. A relationship could be an association between two people or between groups. A party supremo guides his party workers to an election victory. Perfect example of a relationship of one person with a group working on achieving a target.

Humans enter into a relationship with the intention of making it a success. The end result is either happiness or achieving a goal. We are well aware that relationships have equal chances of success or failure and there is no recipe as such. A relationship needs constant nurturing by communication and care. Let us decode how a relationship works and what are the key ingredients.

Step One – A connection begins with a captivating conversation

There are no words to explain how important communication skills are to a relationship. In a formal corporate setup how you convey a point across is the most important asset with a business leader. Same applies to political leaders or any other leader of that sort. We however will be discussing more about a two way communication, the one in which there is a generous dosage of listening what the other person has to say.

If shyness is the beginning of any relation, it will eventually wear off with time. But if there is a lack of topic to discuss, your relationship is already doomed. If words do no resonate, there is no point in continuing further. Listening to the person who is important to you is also a sign of acceptance without any judgements. Ending a conversation with an advice is risky behaviour. So if you are the good or silent listener type, what exactly are you going to offer in a relationship.

Step Two – What do you have to offer

There are so many examples of a relationship being forged with an aim or goal in mind. So from day one such a relationship is defined with what are you going to get out of it. One example that comes to mind is the Great Indian Arrange Marriage system. While it has mostly had success for so many centuries, the goals of most marriages come down to household chores, cooking, taking care of the kids and doing the laundry. If there are set as end goals, they are not examples of offering something in a relationship.

While there is no embargo on entering into a relationship for our own selfish needs, there is a certain charm about giving. A mother’s love to her child is an example of absolute offering. There are so many relationships out there where one person is offering everything and enjoying the joy of giving. Not all relationships are headed in this direction. Otherwise there would never have been collaborations.

Step Three – A relationship that benefits equally

In the corporate domain relationship are done with mutual benefit in mind. Friends usually have similar things in mind. A group of friends going together for a movie or for an adventure hike. Riders biking together, another great example of working together.

For some people it is hard to categorise a marriage as a relationship that benefits equally. People working in the same profession usually marry so that they have an understanding partner. Both work on their professional lives and come back home to a familiar settings. Even when the spouse is a total home maker, it still can be lived as a relationship which benefits both equally. The man of the house goes out to earn while the woman manages the family back home.

If a relationship has one person greatly benefitting but it will be at the cost of the other. The gap keeps widening with each passing day and lead to the doom of both. Partners usually do not notice the signs or they choose to ignore.

Some relationships are designed to give all the benefits to the other, but in return, there is lots of love and happiness.

If a relationship is designed around both working to benefit each other, the effects start amplifying. Your relationship has just moved to the next level.

Step Four – A relationship that is exploring growth

People come together to be happy. They decide to listen to the heart over brain in the quest for happiness. Social media defines couple goals as an objective to be achieved together. It is target to be met. You have set your mind on the dream house and when you both start exploring saving options and taking budget decisions together. That is the perfect example of growth. One of the partners might stray from the budget decisions. Is that bad or should you give time for things to settle down?

Couple are constantly meeting goals and creating new ones. It is a kind of adventure or treasure hunting for them. Over a period of time, it gets addictive too. This is how relationships flourish.

Step Five – A relationship that respects boundaries

People who are in a relationship and doing fairly well should not have a problem with boundaries. But sometimes issues like mindset or upbringing may cloud the understanding of boundaries.

Relationships evolve over a period of time. Nurturing a relationship involves resetting of boundaries too. Children grow with time and hence the boundaries have to be recognised and reset every now and then.

Boundaries choke everything out of a relationship. Not only is it important to set boundaries, it is also a good idea to estimate the space required by your partner and not to invade it.

A good way to understand boundaries is to keep having those conversations. Giving time for conversations is part of the nurturing process. So we began with conversations and circled around to boundaries. At every step a conversation is the key.