Silent moment (1998), an etching painting by the famous printmaker, Anupam Sud, shows a contemplating woman. Through her artwork, I see the married woman saddened at losing her identity and hope for a bright life. She loses the energy, zeal, strength, and time to be herself while playing repetitive roles as a daughter, a wife, a daughter-in-law, and a mother.
Still, there is a promise of change.
Society, family, and men can rewrite the narrative. The unsettling changes associated with marriage can become happy moments if families are compassionate. Women will not lose their sense of self and confidence or suffer low moods if their families hold them through the changing winds of marriage.
Dear society, please don’t fence the married woman
Imagine a world where you’re accepted without biases. You’re worthy by being just yourself and don’t require to fit in a box. When your brother, uncle, friend, or teacher doesn’t dictate your personality. It is the need of the hour.
We have to stop treating men and women differently. Parents need to stop saying Tum ladki ho
(You’re a woman), Log kya kahege (what will people say?). E.R. Omana, retired Chief Manager,
- Syndicate Bank, rightly comments, “Men are never asked to adjust, to treat women as equals. We must, as a society, stop thinking of girls as a burden and bring up our boys as sensitive human beings for things to change.”
- The girl doesn’t need to be taught that the road of life leads to marriage and sacrificing her needs for the family’s sake. Her behaviours, wishes, and thoughts needn’t be restricted to being suitable for the traditional role of a housewife. Parents need to stop saying Abhi theek hai Shaadi ke baad yeh nahi chalega (Right now, it’s ok, but it will not work after marriage).
- We prep for every exam before reaching the examination hall, but there is no prep before marriage. Society needs to open up and educate boys and girls about the compromises, adjustments, values, and variations of the institution of marriage. Men and women face mental, psychological, physical, and emotional challenges because they lack comprehension of marriage.
In-laws can help ease the problems of the married woman
“You’re just like our daughter.”
“Think of me as your mother.”
A newly married bride hears these phrases commonly from her in-laws. Everything seems hunky dory in her new paradise. Soon, the accommodating and loving in-laws start having unreasonable expectations.
“You’re our daughter-in-law. What will people think if you dress like this?”
“You’re married now. You should speak slowly, control your excitement, and talk respectfully with your husband.”
- The married woman will settle well if only the new family compassionately understands the multiple changes a bride faces. She misses her parents, siblings, friends, relatives and her home. She finds the new environment strange. The burden of the traditional housewife role makes her doubtful and hesitant. A simple assurance from the in-laws that – everything is ok – is enough. She becomes the befitting piece of the family puzzle when they give her space and time to blend.
- Yes, the married woman has to make changes. But the constant and unnecessary nit-picking by the in-laws needs to stop. The girl will never feel at home if she is not free to be herself. They need to understand that the girl sees life in a way that is different from theirs. The only thing they can do is be empathetic to that difference. It will empower her to live life on her terms.
- My friend, Tisha, was married into a family belonging to a small village in UP. She and her husband live in Delhi. You may say that since her in-laws stay away, there can be no problem in their paradise. You’re mistaken. The family can affect the marital accord nonetheless. Tisha feels her mother-in-law belongs to a conservative society but is more modern than her mother. Tisha has complete freedom of expression and shares a relationship of equals with her husband.
“I will fight the whole world with you by my side,” said the married
woman
Its commonly said in India that Shaadi do parivaro ki hoti hai (marriage is about two families).
Nope!
- A girl leaves her entire life of 30 years for her husband will understand her. He will be her Rock of Gibraltar. The groom needs to balance relationships with his wife and parents. Besides respecting his parents, he should also acknowledge his wife’s feelings. When she feels her boundary is being encroached on, he must voice it with his parents.
- It’s high time men let go of gender discrimination, and see women as fully capable individuals. They can bring about change by helping her in the household, being confident in her financial management, making her career a priority, and making a significant contribution to childcare. Marriage thrives on mutual respect among the couple.
- Another orthodox societal thinking is that role of the husband is to fulfil the material desires of the wife. There is more to marriage. The married woman cannot be the only person to provide emotional support and care. Men, wake up! Compliment her, listen to her pains, ask her how she is doing, and hug her for no reason. As long as your wife feels heard and has a friend at home, she will flourish.
Challenges of the married woman don’t need to translate into mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. Once the changes above are accepted and adopted, transitioning into marriage will be easy and comfortable for women. Her frustrations will get a medium of expression. She will feel lighter, happier, and more confident.
A technical writer in the field of life sciences, Aarti Bhola, pursued graduation and post-graduation in Biotechnology and Microbiology respectively. She is passionate about researching and writing informative content about any topic. A feather in her cap was her entrepreneurial venture, Melange Handicrafts, that sold lifestyle and home decor goods online. She continues to explore her artistic side via doodling and hand lettering.
