In a world where dating has become a sport of the fastest fingers and swiping right or left. Hooking up and breaking up is routine, and finding a partner is just an app away. Many are comfortable with swipes, but some still want romance and the mundane things. Men who will challenge them and be their partner in every sense. In this digital era, women still want Mr. Darcy- perfectly flawed.

1. The original Rude Boy

Today, men are either mama’s boys or chauvinistic pigs. You meet men who are either very direct in telling you their opinion, and you fix yourself according to their expectations, and they will never take no, or completely toxic, emotionally unavailable babies.

Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, is unabashedly blunt. Elizabeth’s Prejudice was sourced from Mr. Darcy’s ability to be truthful. He does not gift wrap his opinion and criticism. But what made him stand out is his own ability to grow. He changed himself for the better for the woman he loves. He accepted his mistake and made himself a better man.

2. Respect for woman

In an era where women’s accomplishments were limited to needlework, managing the house, and playing the piano, Mr. Darcy wanted more from his partner. He respects Elizabeth’s mind and opinion rather than her looks. He wanted her to be his equal.

He knew that Elizabeth had no dowry, yet his love for her was beyond money. He was mesmerized by how well-read and opinionated she was.

3. Reliable

Men are fickle-minded. They may care one day and not the other. Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, was fiercely protective of his family and also Elizabeth’s. He had warned Elizabeth about George Wickham and his dubious actions. He went a step ahead and took care of the family when Elizabeth’s sister ran away with Wickham.

He was consistently reliable throughout. a man Elizabeth could count on, and then she started to love him for all these qualities.

Men today are a different kind of race, but women still yearn for a man like Mr. Darcy. These qualities are not that difficult to practice, but these are different times. Whether women still love Mr. Darcy is yet to be known.  But a digital man would not be all of these.

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

1. Dress to impress

Most of us know how to dress to get the attention of others. But for those who do not know, dressing to impress is a great way to boost your confidence. Know what suits you, and have your style! When you dress shabbily, it conveys that you lack discipline in your life and you cannot make an effort.  Accentuate your sensuality and charm with your dressing style. It lifts your mood as well when you look in the mirror!

2. Maintain the illusion

Women have always been known as the fairer sex and a big mystery. Maintain the illusion, talk in a way that does not lay out your plans to others, and confide in a friend, but always ensure that no one knows your next move. Men will be hooked, and they only want to know what you are thinking and how you feel about them.

3. Be a Boss lady

Maintain that command in every step you take and demand that respect. You are a badass goddess! Be the Kali who is not afraid to show her claws! Men will feel threatened, but real men would know how to stand and follow you because you are such a bossy lady. People don’t get offended. They are usually in awe of you and want to know what you did to be this confident and commanding.

4. Be graceful and grateful

No one likes a stuck-up person full of attitude. Know where arrogance begins and humility ends. Be a bitch with a golden heart who cares, who is graceful, and who knows how to treat people who may not be as blessed. Women work hard to reach their goals. Some get there, and others take more time, but always spread your wings and remember your roots.

The tawaifs knew their strength and played to it. They taught us how women can be sensuous and command respect and power at the same time. Men used to swoon at their feet and then worship them.

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

I have been doing this for many years and it is time that I face the music.

1.       Eating random food

The love-hate relationship that I share with food has made me put on weight and destroyed my health from within. I ate food without considering what I was putting in my body. Not looking at the labels, sodium, carbs and sugar contents wreaked havoc on my body. I had no fixed schedule – eating 3-5 meals in a day and never a balanced diet. And now, my organs are suffering, I am vitamin and mineral deficient and have no strength to do anything extra.

2.       No sleep patterns

When we were younger, in college, we had youth on our side, we could be reckless! We did a lot of late-night studying, partying, and movie binges. Now I can barely keep my eyes open beyond 11 pm and up by 6 am. Having a lot of energy, I did not require as much sleep as recommended- 8-10 hrs. I was fueled by all the adrenaline. But when the adrenaline went down, I crashed and slept more than 12 hours in a day. This helped spoil my relaxation time. The body did not get rest enough adding more weight than required.

3.       Not working out enough

I did some exercise today and did not do anything at all. I did not move enough that helped me build stamina. My muscles are weak, I can hardly do the house chores because I am tired and exhausted all the time. Making time to do exercises every day – a walk, yoga, strength training or even weights; they have assisted many in maintaining a healthy life and staying focused.

4.       High expectations

We all must have some expectations of others! We keep others on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect. We hardly see ourselves in the mirror and think- I am enough. Expectations when fulfilled makes us elated but when we fail on our own expectations, either we can push ourselves to do better or we fall in a dark pit of failures.

5.       Not having a hobby

In the rat race to do well in life, I forgot to cultivate my interests. I no longer know how to spend my ‘me-time.’  I have no idea what I can do, so I spend time on social media mindlessly scrolling. A hobby would have helped me unload at the end of the day. Have a relaxed time and enjoy my own company.

6.       Surrounding myself with toxic people

One cannot choose family but can make sure to cut them off in a way that their words should not affect in a destructive way. But I let others unload their shit on me. Repeatedly that led to high levels of toxicity in my mind, where I was doubting myself. I did not accept that there was a problem in the way I let others affect me.

I am 40-year-old and feel that I may be a little late in reversing my actions. I have accepted that the way I have sabotaged my mental and physical health is wrong. But it is also a list of everything I need to correct to be happy and not feel vulnerable all the time. I have this life to make it right and reverse my actions to have meaning. 

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

In a society where others come before oneself, their love for the self is difficult to digest, let alone practice. But today, it is pertinent to prioritize self-love.

What are the different ways to love yourself?

Prioritize self-first

Care, pay attention to your present before you look at what others might need from you. If you cannot take care of yourself, how can you take care of others who depend on you? We must learn to be self-dependent and not compare ourselves with others. Comparing and dependency on others will only bring you down; instead, surround yourself with those who boost you and are not emotional vampires. Appreciate your virtue and worth!

Focus on things that you love

Loving yourself also means to focus on yourself and everything you love. Walk on your growth path, not what others may or may not expect from you. If you love to cook, read, or do creative work, make sure you make time to do these activities. When you do what you love, it is therapy to make you happy.

Accept yourself

Accepting the way you are is very important in the path to self-love. We often pardon other’s flaws but see only flaws in ourselves. It harms our image in the mirror as well as our perception. How can we lift others if we can’t put ourselves on the high ground? Treat yourself with kindness, and prioritize your needs before others. Never settle for less than what you deserve.

Practice self-love

Start a gratitude journal. Observe and note everything you are grateful for; you will find new ways to look at your image of people around you. Stand in front of a mirror and admire your clothes, features, and physique. Give yourself the compliments you give others but secretly wish they were bestowed upon you. Speak to yourself as a friend. Be your own best friend. And above all, be mindful!

Loving oneself is much more complicated than loving someone else, celebrating your small wins, and accepting that no one is worth losing yourself over. Your identity should never be in the shadows; it should always shine bright. Eliminate all those who press pause on your growth. Self-love not only improves your relationship with yourself but also with others.

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

We live in a world where lust plays a significant role, but is it enough to sustain and carry on a relationship for life? What is the secret of those couples who are madly in love? For them, nothing matters but the mental stimulation of their partner’s company.

1. Looks disappear

We do not look the same way as we did five years back. We keep changing, evolving physically and mentally. We lose the “good” looks. Lose/ gain weight, and the body keeps altering to include the lifestyle and general life. Good looks can only take into consideration the initial attraction a person might feel.

2. Attraction is different for different people

Some people get attracted to a particular type of physique or sexual orientation. Boys feel pulled by the experience of older women, while girls feel the same pull towards a fatherly figure or bad boys! Is there a set pattern to the strange force that one might feel? Does it pass, or is it to enjoy the moment? I may find a specific trait in someone attractive, while the same may not be accurate for a friend. Is this love? Or is it just a chemical reaction? Is the body.

3. Chemical reactions

When the eyes soak in the other’s looks, a chemical reaction occurs in the brain. It is the one that feeds the neurons to feel more for that someone. It is not only the pheromones that make the opposite person attractive.

4. Lust is in no way, love

The attraction part is good only till you collide physically and emotionally. One can have an exciting conversation with a stranger and yet feel a deep connection compared to an attractive couple with nothing in common. Love develops once the lust has worn out.

Love and lust are a state of being. One can easily lust for someone based on how one presents oneself. Love sets in when you understand the person. Accept their flaws, not to change them but to let them be. Love does not see the size, age, sex, or skin color. It only considers the emotions and the thought behind it. One can be in love with oneself. It has nothing to do with procreation but everything to do with the stimulation of the mind and soul (if it stimulates the body, too, that is a cherry on the cake).

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

The girl who danced in the rain
Not afraid of innocent water droplets
While everyone rushed inside for shelter
She is her own person

Leaving a room 
Just because
Not considering the consequences
Headstrong, strong willed and called by many names

Reminiscence of the days gone by
Weighing down the duties and responsibilities

Will she ever walk in a room
Finding all eyes on her again
Carrying no judgements
From those on high moral grounds

Shattering the glass ceiling everyday
To soar high once again

To be and live on her terms
For once be the force
That she knows she is

She is a force to reckon with 
A proof, given to no one
But an emotion that is beyond any explain

The after effects ruins and reflect
I am a force to reckon with 

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

He was just her teacher. She could never imagine anything that could happen beyond this relationship. Him being her mentor and she is his student. She came to his lecture every day without fail. She did not like daydreaming or writing his name on her notebooks. But she did enjoy their discussion in class. Their conversations sometimes turned into the two talking and the rest of the students just listening. His words were poetry to her, and her thoughts and take on the topics discussed were fresh air. At that moment, there in their talks, they both felt a strange attraction. Love is also about the interaction of intellect.

She met a dashing officer on a train journey. She had a veil on her face the entire time and they talked through the night. It was a magical journey that may have led to something. Their mutual attraction to each other was palpable. But it was not based on looks but was purely on what they felt when they conversed. As the lights dimmed, she hugged him and shed a silent tear. And without even seeing it, he felt her pain when they bid goodbye. They were thankful for this utter bliss in that conversation with a stranger. They fell in Love when they knew they did not have any future. When they can not be together beyond that night.

He met her online and just wanted to protect her from a certain someone. Their friendship moved from being on each other’s following list to much more. There is a pic that defines how they felt at that moment! The contentment in her smile and that subtle relief that she is mine! That feeling that nothing in this world can change now- this utter feeling of wow at that moment is Love! They may not have it anymore, but they may feel more or less in the years that follow! But at that moment, they had and felt Love as it is meant to be.

Love is not what is shown in movies or romance novels. It is what is experienced in that moment; sustains you for a very long time. Having been in that moment and feeling Godly is something that not many would feel. It is a private moment, edged in the memory for eternity. Be joyous that you had the opportunity to have been through it. Not many get to experience it or even understand it.

When the fairy tales end, the proverbial end, “They lived happily ever after”, has a profound meaning. It does not mean that they will be in a similar blissful state for the rest of their lives. The story ends there deliberately because that is the high point—the highest point of the feeling of Love. What comes next is the commitment that follows to continue on the journey. Love can not continue for days and years. Being in Love can only warm you up from the inside; you can only bask in its glory for the rest of your life!

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

Nuances of Obsession & Passion

The foremost thing to understand is to be able to tell what each term means and how they are the same/different.

Passion is an extreme interest in an activity. It is a wish for something so profound that your heart desires it constantly. Obsession is when this desire becomes the only thought that takes over every waking moment and sometimes more.

Passion makes you start your day; it keeps you going. Even when you do not have time, you still make time to follow your passion. Sometimes, it also gets thrown out when the situation and environment change.

On the other hand, obsession takes control of the conscious and sometimes the subconscious mind. It makes you do things that are extreme and dangerous too. The high performers in any field are not passionate; they are obsessed. It is difficult to refrain from the act even when the possibility of failing is high; if obsessed, don’t bother.

Excess of Passion is Obsession

Passion and obsession are 2 sides of a coin. Both require emotional engagement and utmost attention. The focus needs to follow the passion, but it quickly crosses the border into obsession. When passion starts to dictate your schedule, setting parameters and seeking validation, passion may change into obsession.

Joy to Worry

Obsession seeks positive validation! When we start depending on others, we become restless and stressed to get reinforcement; that is when the passion has gone into the dangerous ground of becoming an obsession. The validation releases dopamine and we become addicted to it. The very thought fuels it further.

The obsessed person feels like being judged and that kind of logic may lead to heightened sensitivity and exhaustion of uncertain results.

Another take on Passion & Obsession

A milder version to look at is- When you feel that life is moving in a direction that is not where you would want to go; be obsessed! Obsession can give you the right drive to steer in the right direction. But when the obsession to control leads to anxiety, it is better to seek help.

Whatever drives you to be who you want, Passion or Obsession, be confident and obsessed about making things better for yourself. The important aspect is to know the subtle line to differentiate between passion and obsession.

Do you think that passionate love can be an obsession?

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

Is it the age where I am allowed
to make mistakes no more
Or the age where
senses become more sharper

Diminishing with age
But I never felt more aware

At 39 on 29th
I have another year to come to
THAT age
where I am 50 not yet
But the countdown begins

Age is just a number
they say
You need to be young at heart
Perception is the game
I say

I have 364 days
but counting no more
Till I become 40 on 29th
When it would Rhyme no more

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.

The good, the bad and the Ugly!

As a child it is drilled in us that we must always smile so that the other person is always smiling. We should lay down our dreams, aspirations and much more to ensure that our families are comfortable. Are we some sort of toy that you would command and we would start dancing to make you happy? Are we going to be labeled as good, just because I am a WOMAN and I can’t cause Woe to anyone. The irony of the word is not lost on me and hopefully either on you. Being bad and doing what your heart and brain provokes may be offensive, but being good is tiresome.

The ugly truth

A woman who is confident, fierce, goes after what she believes in and is a force to reckon with wins a fight every day. With people trying to pull her down on every step, every pseudo feminist while talking about the importance of equality do not understand. Being good is draining the energy that can be utilized in taking care of herself.

W.I.T.C.H.

In the history of humanity, there has been a phase where women were burned on pyre, they were hunted down and tortured. The only reason was they were free thinkers1 Radical thinkers are the ones who can take charge and change their life and people around them. They are selfish because they believe in nothing else but themselves. Now, is that so wrong? I have spent a good amount of my adult life in making others happy! And where am I now? At the age of 40, feeling like 60. Drained, tired and want nothing but to doze off into oblivion! A woman is not a witch in the biblical self. She needs to be a witch in the contemporary sense- Woman in Total Control of Herself.

Be a BITCH

Being a bitch has been considered by many as a very stern step. But is it really the case? Do we really need to be so over-thinkers? Why can’t we be bitch to all those who are insignificant. Start by creating a list- and the list should be made for all those who depend on you and those who do not. I too was tempted to create a list that included my family. The constant need to take care of them; thinking what would happen to them if I stop taking care? But it is the time to just ensure that you are not sinking while making sure they are swimming.

It does not matter what name others give you. The distinction between what is good and what is bad is going to cause a lot of confusion.  But when you put yourself first is how you may be bad but definitely it feels SOOO good. Accept the ugliness of the truth that as soon as you start putting yourself first, there would be many frowns but you would be satisfied that you followed your heart and that adds meaning to it all. Be elfish, be fierce in action and people around you would object but they would accept and move on.

Preeti Bhandari

A mother of two, Preeti Bhandari is a colloquial writer. She believes in simple living which reflects in her writings. As the Editor of Narisakti, she intends to use her vast experience to propel this platform to a cult status among entrepreneurial networks.

When not writing she is quilling, both with paper and thoughts.